Being Different

Last month, I took our students to a free eye clinic offered by Solwezi General Hospital. A few of the girls complain of persistent head aches and 95% of them have never seen a Doctor before, let alone been to a hospital. I stole an opportunity to have them checked out when they were attending a Conservation Farming workshop hosted by Kansanshi Mines in Solwezi. It turned out that the only student needing glasses was little Wana. Wana is one of our younger students at 14 years old, but also one of the brightest. Wana grew up in Kitwe, attending better schools than what is often found in the rural areas, until her father decided it was best for her to come stay with her Grandmother in Kansefu (a village about 15km away from our site). When Wana soon realized that the Ophthalmologist was sizing her up for specs, her usually bubbly personality began to fade rather quickly. Wana did not want glasses. She did want to be different from her friends. She did not want to be laughed at. I repeated to Wana what the Doctor had said; if she didn’t start wearing glasses now, her eye sight would only get worse. Her headaches would most likely go away and best of all, she’d be able to excel in class being able to read and write with more clarity. She fought back tears when I told her that she would be even more beautiful than she is now. I explained that a part of beauty is being healthy and taking care of you. With glasses, she would be able to have healthier eyes and therefore project a beauty she didn’t have before when she was struggling to see properly. 

The next week, we went back to the Hospital to fit her with a new pair of glasses. I was afraid that we were going to all of this trouble and Wana would pack away her glasses once we bought them and never even bother to wear them. However, once she picked out a frame that she liked with a purple tint, the fear of wearing glasses didn’t seem so large for her. Since then, I rarely see Wana without wearing her glasses. She says she can see things she couldn’t before and she can read and write better. 

The reality of Wana’s fear of being different didn’t really set in for me until this past weekend when I had a bad encounter in Chisokani Market in Kitwe. Candace, Kim and I know very well that you really take your chances when you venture into this overcrowded, loud and dirty city market in central Kitwe. Kitwe is certainly not a tourist town, and Chisokani is certainly not a place where tourists go. The small section about Kitwe in the Lonely Planet Guide even says to avoid it. I’m sure the majority of local expatriates stay away and stick to the boutiques and shops in the other parts of town. It’s difficult to wander through the market and browse without getting attention when my skin colour screams that I am different. Here I was feeling like I wanted to hide and look like everyone else, when just the other week, I was encouraging Wana that her difference would be what made her beauty stand out. 

As Keith and I walked through the market, some people who had a bit too much to drink (despite the early hour of the day), were bold enough to grab my arm. Others followed us, some called out insults, and I received a lot of awkward stares and laughs. It was worse when I tried to buy a pair of jeans. The shop owner asked way too much for them. He wouldn’t budge on the price even after Keith explained to them in Bemba that I couldn’t be cheated, that I’ve been around for a long time and I know what the price should be. This was turning out to be one of those not so great Chisokani experiences. I was frustrated that I had been picked on and ridiculed for being different.

This experience made me think about the following questions:

Will this ever go away? Will our differences always beg us to be put in the spotlight in a negative way? Will we always (seemingly no matter what age) be laughed at for our differences? Will demeaning assumptions always be made about who we are and what we have from our outside appearances?

Or….

Will we ever gain the confidence in the face of all of this to just be ourselves no matter what? Will our differences always beg us to be put in the spotlight only to be proud of that position? Will we always (seemingly no matter what age) be laughed at, but then have the courage to ignore hurtful insults? Will demeaning assumptions always be made about who we are and what we have from our outside appearance, but will we have the opportunity to forgive people for their misunderstandings? Will we believe instead that the majority of us are kind and loving? Will we be patient with those who are not ready to accept all of us despite our differences? Will we continue on doing what we need to do when we want to do it without fear? Will we always understand our own beauty knowing that it stems from these differences?  

Will I remember, as I have the opportunity to encourage young teenage girls, that I am JUST THE WAY I AM SUPPOSED TO BE and that I am EXACTLY WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE? It doesn’t matter where I have come from or what I look like, accepting our own differences as beauty will allow others to do the same.