It’s been a long time since I wrote. I’ve been to Canada and back to Zambia since I wrote. I sat down to write a few times. I would start something and then I couldn’t finish it. It may be the case that there are so many things happening right now, that one thing didn’t seem more significant to write about over the others. It may be the case that all of these things are running into each other inside my brain, and I couldn’t give one of them enough time to thoroughly process. We’ve got 3 volunteers from abroad here. We are still constructing a staff house. We are trying to start adult classes. We have been continuing with our nursery program. We are planning an on site fundraiser for March. We are farming. I now have 3 chickens, 2 ducks, 4 puppies and a dog that run around outside my house. I’ve got peanuts, maize, butternut squash, pumpkins, cucumbers, beans, tomatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots and soy beans that need a lot of attention in my garden. Things are busy, and I haven’t even touched on half of it all.
Recently a friend brought to my attention the fact (and not the feeling, but the fact) that every single day, I was getting up tight about at least one of the above gazillion things happening around here. At first I defended myself and tried to explain that I’m not one of those persons that gets upset about the small things. After all, I happen to love what I am doing, and people who love what they’re doing, don’t let the small things bring them down. I gave up a lot of ‘things’ that were supposed to make me happy in Canada to be here and had convinced myself that that idea alone was supposed to make me happier than others. Wrong!
What I finally realized (when I developed enough courage to try to change this nasty habit I was getting into) was that no matter how ‘simple’ you make life, there are still worries. There are still conflicts and fears and challenges in the bush. Without watching the 6:00 news and without neighbours and without shopping malls and media; there are still issues to face here. I was letting those issues mean more to me than the beauty of all the good. The issues meant more to me than the things that are supposed to make me happy here. They meant more to me then waking up with the sun, and running beside my dog in the morning, and even more than being a part of and watching the progress of SWSC.
I’ve decided to give it all another go. No matter where I am, and who I find myself in the company of; I want to be appreciative. It’s worrying about what is going to happen next that leaves me short tempered. It’s strange that I became a victim to the rush of the western world, while out in the peace of the bush in Zambia.
