Give Up

I have always struggled with the laws of giving. Someone somewhere when determining the intricacies of our consciences decided that we should follow a set of rules for giving. Strangely enough we were all composed with a different set of rules, therefore making it impossible to be controlled by the giving police.

Like every country labelled to be ‘developing’ there are always a varying population of rich. In Zambia the rich consist of the government, mine workers (mostly including Zambian, and the ex-patriot community of South African, Australian, American, British and Canadian), volunteers from European countries and North America and Japan, and the business owners mostly descending from India or homegrown here in Zambia. Excuse me for my sudden stereotypical catergorisation, but that’s pretty much how i see it.

Zambia, unlike South Africa or Namibia or Zimbabwe that have long suffered and are still suffering from a ‘racial divide’; is a country that mostly missed that parade and is alternately faced with the ‘status divide’. The laws of giving especially come into play when this happens. In Canada, the laws of giving are much more controllable. You are faced with giving when you come into contact with salvation army bell ringers, and school fundraisers and clothes drives, World Vision commericals and the odd homeless person when walking down the streets of Toronto. My point is, that giving in this sense in Canada is all together avoidable if desired upon. You can turn off the tv and not answer the door and avoid street corners. In Zambia it is on your face, every single day which is why your brain instantly tunes into the morality channel and you have to start referring to your ingrained rules of giving.

Over the years of living here, I have heard a number of different rules; all of which I have subscribed to at one point. It was all static though and nothing was coming in quite clear. Here is a short rundown of the most popular Do’s and Dont’s to giving in Zambia;

Do not give to street children. They will most likely spend the odd kwacha you give them on sniffing gas or plastic liquor sachets found at every corner shop.
Do not give to street children because they will be encouraged to beg again and again and again, and anyways it is not going to solve the problem. Giving them a few thousand kwacha (less than a Canadian dollar) isn’t going to give them a roof over their head or send them to school.
Do not give to street children because most of them actually have a home and their parents can’t afford to send them to school, so they are only coming to the streets out of pure boredom.
Do not give to the villagers. They are lazy and should be farming because there is ample land.
Only give to someone if they are willing to do something for you. If they wash your car or exchange a barbequed piece of corn then, yes, go ahead and give them something they have earned.
Do not lend money to anyone. You won’t get it back; especially under the promised time frame.
Only give someone food if they are begging on the street. They will spend the money you give them on alcohol anyways, so it is better just to buy someone a piece of fruit.
Do not give to the Preachers on the bus, they may just be full of it anyhow.
Do not give to the “deaf” child on the bus who pass along a piece of paper explaining that they are orphaned and taking care of their younger siblings...they’re not.
Most importantly, do not give to your neighbourhood alcoholic. Usually a male between the age of 15 and 65 who spends everyday socializing at the local drinking hole. He won’t give the money to his wife for nshima, he will most likely drink it before 11 AM.

Unfortunately, all of these rules are played like a song that irritates you endlessly on repeat. That song is called....GUILT. It’s a nasty high pitched, deafening song that won’t shut up. I let this song play on my radio for a couple of years. It was horrible. I even started to tap my feet to the tune because I didn’t know how to groove in any other way.

Fortunately now, I have turned down the volume. Believe me, it still plays but it is quiet and it is because I have decided to do something about it all. I decided that the rules of giving superbly sucked. I threw them out. I burned every single last one of them because that conscience that I spoke of earlier was never satisfied. The guilt got worse by following the rules; not better.

I give when I feel like it. Sometimes I’m in a bad mood and I don’t give. Yesterday I didn’t buy a cup of coffee for some friends we were working with at a craft show. I thought about it. I wanted to, but my wallet was relatively empty yesterday and I had to look out for myself. Instead when we were hitching back home, I gave a drunk dude I have known for 3 years as ‘station master’ (essentially he tries to arrange rides in transport trucks for people leaving Solwezi) a few thousand kwacha. He actually didn’t even get us a ride, but he makes me laugh and I felt like it. It all balances out. Instead of the guilt station, I am trying to perk up my ears to the ‘faith’ station. The DJ that plays the music here, repeatedly sends the message that....I am going to be looked after. I don’t have to ‘look out for myself’ as I felt I had to do when I denied my friends a cup of coffee.

When you give without rules and without limits, you open yourself up to this incredible opportunity to receive. You start to receive unimaginable things. It starts with eliminating guilt and ends somewhere with the freedom of acceptance. I cannot count the amount of times every single day that I receive. Guilt is a plague and the rules of giving are only a part of the kindling that fuels a fire for that plague.