Commanding Love

Love.

I’m thinking about ‘love’ as a command. I usually think about it as a ‘thing’. I usually think about it as, the ‘thing’ that’s missing or the ‘thing’ that must be keeping other ‘things’ together or the reason for why ‘things’ are the way they are. I think about it most often as something to have.

I don’t think I’ve ever thought of it this way; so urgently. I’m thinking about it as though it’s some ‘thing’ that I must be doing now; not tomorrow, not later on this evening, but right now. I started thinking about it when I was driving to Lusaka yesterday afternoon. I was in a hitch with Catholic Sisters from Northern Province. The sun was setting over burnt grass and it turned the sky a different shade of red for the last two hours before we drove into Lusaka. I had been on the phone with my brother and his girlfriend and my parents; speaker phone of course so that I don’t have to repeat every story again and again.

I was thinking about how wonderful it would be if I let love consume my entire life. I thought how incredible I would feel if I gave everything up for love. I was thinking about whether or not I would be capable of doing this as I realized what my journey was all about. Right now I’m in the Lusaka Airport and I’m about to fly to Johannesburg to meet my Mom and Dad in South Africa. It’s their first time here. I’ve been waiting for this for over three years; for them to see my life over here, and for the gap of understanding to be lessened. Somehow, I can’t wrap my brain around how big this is. I can’t comprehend that this is love as a command. This is love in action. This is my Mom and Dad whom never imagined themselves traveling to Africa in the first place and getting on a plane for almost 20 hours to be with me. Their eyes are about to see what I have been desperately falling for. This is love going into a place unknown to them, that has caused heart ache and longing.

I’ve been nervous about their trip here. I was afraid that they may not feel the same way about this place as I do. I was afraid they would ruin my perspective. I was afraid they would hate the chaos of this place that I love. I now think that I was wrong to fear their trip here. It’s not about what they see and if it inspires them or not; it’s about them putting love into action.